STAR WARS: THE NEXT GENERATION THE CAST: PRINCESS MARAH (the incredibly beautiful ruler of the galaxy) PRINCE MICHAEL (Princess MARAH's overgrown eight year old and Jedi wanna be) HAN DUO (Princess MARAH's sometime lover) and his sidekick: REROVER (a Wookie of course) MARK (A Jedi Knight and obviously Princess MARAH's long-lost twin brother) DOCTOR LOU (bartender and ship engineer with a Scottish accent) THE PROPHETTESS KEESHA (who looks suspiciously like a Vulcan) R3-DX3 (a small robot who communicates through beeps and whistles) SX-69 (a lazy and somewhat opportunistic protocol and linguistic android) THE EVIL LORD VIPER GROVER (the current Jedi master-- a puppet whose primary locale will be the bar located in the rebel throne room) CHORUS Various REBELS and STORMTROOPERS THE STORY: Booming Voice in a blackened theater: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.... {Star Wars theme music and an awesome light display} VOICE: Episode 29: As we speak the evil Lord VIPER is planning a horrible and devastating attack on the Imperial Senate which is housed on the planet Meoda. The object of his attack is the mysterious sceptre of power. While none save a few know exactly what power the wielder of the sceptre posesses; all know that it is an instrument of ultimate power. It is vital to all that is good in the galaxy that the sceptre remain in the merciful hands of Princess MARAH. It is Lord VIPER's intent to rule the galaxy with the help of the sceptre and the dark side of the force. Assembled cast Madonna's VOGUE to open the show: Drawn out variation to the usual intro to this song during which a spot light will pick out individual characters positioned about the theater. As the opening "Strike a Pose" lines are sung the spotlight should pick out the main characters. VOGUE ALL: Strike a Pose ALL: Strike a Pose MARAH: Look around Everywhere you turn is heartache It's everywhere you go You try everything you can to escape The pain of life that you know If all else fails and you long to be something better than you are today I know a place where you can get away It's called a dance floor and here's what it's for ALL: CHORUS Come on --- Vogue Let your body move to the music move to the music Come on --- Vogue Let your body go with the flow go with the flow KEESHA: All you need is your own imagination So use it that's what it's for Go inside for your finest inspiration Your dreams will open the door It makes no difference if you're bad or good If you're a boy or a girl If the music's pumping it will give you new life You're a shooting star ALL: Yes that's what you are You know it CHORUS Come on --- Vogue Let your body move to the music move to the music Come on --- Vogue Let your body go with the flow go with the flow Good is where you find it Not just where you bump and grind it So live in a musical That's where I feel so beautiful magical Life's a ball So get up on the dance floor CHORUS Come on --- Vogue Let your body move to the music move to the music Come on --- Vogue Let your body go with the flow go with the flow You do it Good is where you find it Good is where you find it (MUST be sung VERY distinctly so that the audience gets the words. It requires a solo.) KEESHA: Ben Kenobi Jedi Knight SX69 learns to fight R3-D3, Scotty, Spock come into stellar dock Mr. Data Captain Kirk fighting evil is such work Worf and Jordy Number one Enterprise has some fun They had style They had grace X-wing; Y-wing; out in space HAN DUO Doctor Lou Princess MARAH ALL: We love you Troopers with an attitude Rebels that were in the mood ALL: Don't just stand there (emphasize) Lets get to it Strike a pose There's nothing to it Vogue Vogue BLACK OUT Lights come up on a futuristic luxurious throne room. Scattered about are lots and lots of toys, sabers, guns, space ships and in the midst a young PRINCE MICHAEL who is mercilessly beating the !@*&$^& out of what looks to be a Tonka Toy ... he is being attended by two familiar looking droids (SX-69 and R3-D3) who are also beat on indiscriminantly by their young charge. R3-D3 occasionally lets out a beep of pain) PRINCESS MARAH is sitting nonchalantly on her throne and is in deep discussion with KEESHA who is standing as if at attention. PRINCESS MARAH: But KEESHA the galaxy has been a peaceful place since the death of the emperor. What makes you think that the evil Empire is growing stronger? KEESHA: There is a distrubance in the force. It is a feeling of evil and destruction. A leader has emerged to head the forces of evil in the galaxy. PRINCESS MARAH: MICHAEL! Will you please stop beating on your toys. (Turning to KEESHA although Micahel has ignored her command) KEESHA, there is no logic in what you are saying (MICHAEL's banging gets louder) who is this evil leader .... MICHAEL! stop this instant or I will tell R3D3 to lock up your toys. I am sorry KEESHA. MICHAEL can be such a handful somedays. He is so much like his father. What is it that you propose I do in response to this so-called growing evil? Just as KEESHA is about to answer in a fit of commotion HAN DUO and REROVER enter-- bee-line it to PRINCE MICHAEL and a mock battle ensues. KEESHA turns and draws her sidearm at the commotion and only relaxes her stance when PRINCESS MARAH intervenes... PRINCESS MARAH: Relax, KEESHA. It's his father and that walking carpet he calls a co-pilot. HAN DUO saunters over to PRINCESS MARAH. HAN DUO: Hello, Princess. Got a kiss for your travel weary man? PRINCESS MARAH: Don't make me sick. I'd just as soon kiss a wookie. HAN DUO: I believe that can be arranged. (He winks and gives the thumbs up to REROVER who laughs and makes an overtly sexual motion.) disgusted MARAH turns to KEESHA PRINCESS MARAH: It is beyond me why ... Mass chaos breaks out and stormtroopers storm the stage totally overpowering the five. Many troopers are necessary to control PRINCE MICHAEL. Stormtroopers drag PRINCE MICHAEL off after subduing HAN DUO, MARAH, and KEESHA (to subdue them they may be tied up, held off at laser gunpoint, or in any other manner which will work) Mock battle between X-wing fighters and tie-fighters. (This can be done in one of three ways that the authors can think of:) 1. toy space ships strung on strings on the end of poles (fishing poles?) held by troopers and rebels who crash the ships into one another. 2. ships sans people strung from the rafters and controlled as puppets are. 3. chorus members hand-holding their fighters and fighting as would seven-year-olds. The battle is won by the troopers who head off with PRINCE MICHAEL BLACK OUT New scene: PRINCE MICHAEL and VIPER are in a garbage room (satellite stage set ala the CATS setting) aboard a new and improved DEATH STAR. PRINCE MICHAEL: What a wonderful smell you've discovered VIPER. (pause) My what big eyes you have. LORD VIPER: Don't get smart with me your royal pain in the ass. PRINCE MICHAEL: My what a big nose you have. (Laughs hysterically) LORD VIPER: You won't be laughing for long you little brat. Once the Princess hands over the sceptre of power to me the entire galaxy will be mine to control... mine to rule... (laughs an evil laugh) PRINCE MICHAEL: My what an ugly creature you are. LORD VIPER: (exasperated) Guards.... Guards!!! Enter Troops: STORMTROOPER # 1: Yes, my Lord. LORD VIPER: This child doesn't seem to understand the danger he is in now that he is my guest. He needs enlightenment. PRINCE MICHAEL: I've got a bad feeling about this.... ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG Billy Joel VIPER: Come on MICHAEL, don't make me wait You Jedi boys start much too late But sooner or later it comes down to fate You might as well be the one. STORMTROOPERS: They showed you a sceptre, told you to pray They built you a temple, they locked you away VIPER: Ah, but they never told you the price that you'd pay For things that you might have done But only the good die young That's what I said STORMTROOPERS: Only the good die young only the good die young VIPER: You might have heard I run with a dangerous crowd We ain't too pretty we ain't too proud We might be laughing a bit too loud But that never hurt no one Come on MICHAEL show me a sign, Send up a signal, I'll throw you a line The naughty behavior you're hiding behind Never lets in the sun, darling ALL: Only the good die young Only the good die young Only the good die young MICHAEL: I got a laser gun and an x-wing on my confirmation I got a brand new soul, and a Jedi Sword VIPER: But MICHAEL they didn't give you quite enough information You didn't count on me When you were beating on R3-D3 MICHAEL: They say there's a heaven for those who wait Some say it's better but I say it ain't I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints VIPER: The sinners are much more fun. ALL: You know that, and only the good die young Oh, oh baby only the good die young only the good die young VIPER: You say your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation She never cared for me But did she ever say a prayer for me? ALL: Come out, come out, come out MICHAEL Don't make us wait You Jedi boys start much too late I might as well be the one only the good die young tell you baby you know that only the good die young only the good die young only the good only the good die young PRINCE MICHAEL: My what a big mouth you have. BLACK OUT Meanwhile back in the Rebel Throne Room: Assembled are the members of the rebel alliance. MARK, PRINCESS MARAH, REROVER, HAN DUO, and KEESHA are assembled by the throne. DR. LOU, SX-69, R3-D3, and GROVER are clustered around the bar. REBEL TROOPS scattered here and there. MARK: MARAH, calm down. They certainly are not going to kill your son. Without him, VIPER will never get the sceptre of power. MARAH: My poor, innocent, little boy... I know what VIPER is capable of... if he hurts MICHAEL... I'll .... I'll... blast him where it counts. SX-69: (who is lounging, quite unconcerned by the current crisis in aside to R3-D3) Personally, I hope they waste the little brat... he has rusted my joints one too many times. R3-D3: beep, whistle, and whirr. SX-69: Really, R3, the loyalty you show to MARAH and that sorry excuse for a child is nauseating. R3-D3: beep, whistle, whirr. DR. LOU: (Serving beverages, don't forget the accent) Would you two hush up, I believe the Jedi master is about to speak. (inclines his/her head to GROVER who is positioned at the end of the bar) MARK: Master GROVER. Did you wish to speak? GROVER: For 800 years have I trained Jedi. MICHAEL, a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked over his shoulder, to see if he was being watched. A rotten child is he. Always in trouble and inclined towards the dark side. Gasps from the crowd. MARAH: No! You cannot mean that Master GROVER. He is only a mischievous little boy. Many of his ancestors were Jedi knights. Our family has served the Alliance for generations.... MARK: She's right Master GROVER. How could it be that a son of the Alderann royal house is leaning towards the dark side? (Everyone looks suspiciously at HAN DUO who is idly playing with his drink; REROVER nudges him) HAN DUO: (looking up) What? MASTER GROVER: Blame not the pirate captain. A scoundral he may be, but his heart is in the right place. It is the influence of another that has turned the child. MARK: Then who Master GROVER? MASTER GROVER: All in good time. Now, you must face VIPER and rescue the child or the sceptre of power will be lost. May the force be with you. HAN DUO: All right. Now we're talking action. KEESHA: (assuming a commanding role) All right troops, lets suit up and assemble at the west exit. Amid a bustle of getting-ready-for-battle activity, the Alliance breaks into song: WEST SIDE STORY's Quintet REBEL CHORUS: The rebels will have their day The rebels will have their way tonight The dark Lord VIPER grumbles trade off But if he starts a rumble We'll blast his mask off tonight We're gonna hand them a surprise tonight We're gonna cut them down to size tonight We say, Okay, no rufus, no tricks, But just in case they jump us We're ready to mix Tonight we're gonna rock it tonight We're gonna jazz it up and have us a ball They're gonna get it tonight The more they turn it on, the harder they fall Well, they began it Well, they began it And we're the ones to stop them once and for all --- tonight The rebels will come out on top tonight We're gonna watch the Empire drop tonight The storm troopers will go down and when they've hollered uncle we'll tear up the town (This song is a Quintet and other parts may be added. In particular if those cast as MARAH and HAN DUO have good singing voices a duet for them may be added in. Be really careful about adding lyrics that differ dramatically from the original.) (As the song fades into instrumental the troops pull out their tie fighters and y-wings and fly off through the audience. The main characters strap themselves into flight seats that have been put into place as the song was being sung. Assemble it to look like the bridge on Star Trek. MARK sits in the captain's chair, KEESHA on his left, MARAH on his right. REROVER and HAN DUO sit in front on the sides functioning as the navigator and pilot. SX-69 and R3-D3 should sit at the computer station. ) MARK: REROVER, are the coordinates set for the Horath system? REROVER: (answers to the affirmative in Wookie talk) MARK: Very well, engage. (REROVER and HAN DUO attempt to take the ship into warp speed/hyper speed. At first all is well. Lights and sound effects indicate the ship is taking off... then it comes to a grinding halt.) PRINCESS MARAH: Would it help if I got out and pushed? (HAN DUO and REROVER are frantically attempting to gain control of his control panel turns to her slightly ) HAN DUO: It might. MARK: (turning to the robots) R3, plug into the main computer and see if you can find out what the problem is. HAN, what seems to be the trouble? REROVER: (growls an answer in Wookie) HAN DUO: (answers REROVER) I know, I know. I just can't seem to lock it down. (Answers MARK) The hyperdrive on this thing is so tempermental.... R3-D3: whistle, beep, whirr. SX-69: Yo, MARK. R3-D3 says the ship has bubblegum stuck in its hyperdrive motivator. Everyone: Bubblegum? HAN DUO: (angrily hits his console) MICHAEL! I told him not to.... (suddenly in response to HAN's random banging the ship kicks into gear and everyone is thrown forward as the ship takes off in reverse... flight music plays lightly in the background. Flight music to be selected by the director... I suggest some music from Star Wars.) (HAN DUO brushes his knuckles across his shoulder and congratulates himself for his obvious mechanical abilities.) MARK: Doctor Lou? DOCTOR LOU: (over an intercom) Yes, MARK? MARK: Please clean the bubblegum off of the hyperdrive motivator. DOCTOR LOU: (again over the intercom) Right away captain. MARAH: (whiny like a child on a long car trip) How much longer? HAN DUO: (looking at his watch) Oh, about 10 seconds. REROVER: (growls something in wookie) HAN DUO: We're coming out of hyperspeed into some sort of meteor shower. Brace yourselves. MARK: Shields up. Open hailing frequency. (Pause) Lord VIPER. This is Jedi Knight MARK Skywalker. Surrender immediately or face imminent destruction. (Silence... then) LORD VIPER: Laughter. Na na na na boo boo. Can't catch me. MARK: All right we'll do it the hard way. Troops. (Troops enter the bridge area) MARK: Troops, prepare your weapons. (Troops draw their weapons and reveal them to be large lollipops-- y'know the huge ones. They sword fight in the air in unison.) MARK: Transporter Room? DOCTOR LOU: Yes, Captain. MARK: Ready to beam the troops to the Death Star? DOCTOR LOU: Aye, captain. MARK: Make it so. (Eeery colored light or strobe light and the REBELS move in slow motion to the aisles where they are met by the STORMTROOPERS who also have their lollipops drawn. VIPER fights MARK on the center stage.) Sword fighting between Rebels and Troopers to the tune LOLLIPOP Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop (POP) Ba Ba Bohm Bohm Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop (POP) Ba Ba Bohm Bohm Oh my baby lollipop Tell us why Cause it's sweeter than galaxy pie Now when they do their shaky rodan dance Man we haven't got a chance We call them Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop (POP) Ba Ba Bohm Bohm Sweeter than a neutron on a stick Nuclear, gamma, x-wing slime If you had a choice Who'd be your pick? What lollipop is mine Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop (POP) Ba Ba Bohm Bohm Crazy way they thrill us Tell us why Just like a lightening from the sky They love to miss us till we can't see straight Gee, my lollipop is great We call them Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop (POP) Ba Ba Bohm Bohm Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lolli Lollipop, Lollipop, oh Lolli, Lolli, Lollipop (POP) Ba Ba Bohm Bohm (The REBELS win and as the song ends the STORMTROOPERS are on their knees with lollipops at their throats) MARK: VIPER! Your troops are beaten. Surrender MICHAEL now! VIPER: MICHAEL?!?! You want that brat back? (laughs hyterically) He's yours. All yours. Guards, bring Skywalker his nephew. (Two guards are released they speed off to the garbage room. They bring in a kicking and screaming MICHAEL) MARAH: My baby! (MARK restrains MARAH from running to MICHAEL) The cast is silent as MICHAEL throws a temper tantrum. MARK: MICHAEL! That is enough. A Jedi knight must learn control. (MARK marches over to MICHAEL and takes him by the ear dragging him to the center stage...Unnoticed VIPER slips out) DR. LOU (pause) DR. LOU: (Over a loudspeaker) Aye, captain. MARK: Stand by to beam the assembly back aboard the Enterprise? DR. LOU: With pleasure captain. MARK: Make it so. (Every light as before to indicate that the transporter beam is working. Rebels resume their position on the bridge. Troopers and rebel troops maintain their positions in the aisles of the theater) MARK: DR. LOU, could you come up here and take Prince MICHAEL to a holding cell until he can control his behavior. (The stormtroopers/rebels let out a whoop of delight and MARAH begins to protest. HAN DUO begins to protest saying something about being MICHAEL's father... All of them are silenced by a withering look from MARK. DR. LOU arrives and ushers out a struggling MICHAEL) MARK: There will be no debate. The child needs discipline. (MARK surveys the subdued captive stormtroopers) VIPER! Where did he go? (exasperated sounds) KEESHA, round up the Stormtroopers and put them in detention block "C" before they escape as well. KEESHA: All right men, you heard the captain. (Rebels usher the troopers out) MARK: HAN, REROVER. Fire up the engines. HAN DUO: Ready for hyperspeed. MARK: Very well, engage. (Again the ship takes off in reverse-- lighting effects and flight music while the ship is changed back into the throne room and the cast exits, MICHAEL enters) MICHAEL: MICHAEL be good... What fun is that? (Wanders around the stage... muttering about being good and being a Jedi. He pulls out a baseball bat from behind the bar with a huge glitzy label on it marked "Sceptre of Power" and begins to bang on the bar and other objects in the throne room with it. He can even take some imaginary baseball swings with it. Suddenly VIPER appears) VIPER: Ah, MICHAEL. My friend I see you have my sceptre. MICHAEL: (looking at the sceptre carefully) This isn't yours it's my mothers. VIPER: Give it to me now. MICHAEL: Can't make me. (deliberately) Your're not my father. (looking to the audience) Really, he isn't. VIPER: MICHAEL, you will give me the sceptre now. MICHAEL: (After the briefest pause) My what a big mouth you have....But your mind tricks won't work on me. (The two are now playing a game of duck and dodge.) VIPER: Come here you little brat. That sceptre holds the key to intergalactic power. MICHAEL: (MICHAEL stops and ponders what VIPER has said.) I think I should like to have that power for myself. And if I play my cards right, it shall one day be my inheritance. I think I shall scream for my mother and my uncle MARK. (Before VIPER can stop him, MICHAEL starts screaming for uncle MARK, mother, father, REROVER, KEESHA....they instantly rush out and surround VIPER.) MICHAEL: That big bad old meanie tried to take mommy's sceptre, but I wouldn't let him. (Hands the sceptre reverently to his mother--winks at the audience) GROVER: It is as I have foreseen. The child has foiled VIPER's evil plans. MARK: Well done, MICHAEL. You have acted in the true spirit of a Jedi Knight. (MICHAEL beams as the group heaps praises on his head..leading to a short black out. Spot on GROVER) GROVER: And that is the story of MICHAEL turning away from the dark side of the force. Eventually he grows up and becomes a Jedi knight like his uncle... but that is another story. (In a final tone of voice) Remember the force will be with you....always. DR. LOU: (After the briefest hesitation) Master GROVER, I think the audience was hoping for a more glitzy ending. GROVER: Glitzy ending? What know I of glitz? DR. LOU: No problem, Master GROVER. Watch this. (Snaps his fingers the lights come up to reveal the assembled cast posed and ready to sing:) MICHAEL B. GOODE Chuck Berry MARK: Way down in Andromeda Close to the Nebula Way back up in the stars up in the deep, dark sky There stood an old spaceship Made of earth and wood Where lived a solar boy named MICHAEL B. Goode He never ever learned to read and write so well But he could fly a fighter just like he's ringin bell CHORUS: Go, Go. Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go MICHAEL B. Goode. He used to carry his manual in a gunny sack Go sit beneath the star by the shuttle track Old Jedi Knight would see him sitting in the shade Readin' with the rhythm that the fliers made The people passing by, they would stop and try Oh my but that little boy could fly CHORUS: Go, Go. Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go MICHAEL B. Goode. MICHAEL: You know my mother told me sonny be a man And you'll be the leader of a big old gang CHORUS: Many people coming from miles around To see you fly the fighter when the sun goes down Maybe someday your name will be in lights and MICHAEL B. Goode Tonight. CHORUS: Go, Go. Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go Go MICHAEL, Go, Go MICHAEL B. Goode. Music fades into a curtain call with STAR WARS THEME or FINALE or the Ewok song playing til the audience has left the theatre.